A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Autism
Every child has their own way of exploring, learning, and connecting. For some, that way is called autism. Autism isn’t something to be “fixed.” It’s a natural difference in how brains work - one that comes with unique strengths as well as challenges. For parents, understanding autism often begins with letting go of old ideas and opening up to new perspectives.
What Autism Really Means
Autism isn’t just about “social skills” or “behaviours.” It’s about how a child experiences the world.
Some children notice details others miss.
Some thrive on routines that make them feel safe.
Some may learn to talk later, but communicate richly through play, movement, or gestures.
This mix of abilities and needs is often called a spiky profile - areas of incredible strength alongside areas where extra support is needed.
Everyday Differences You Might Notice
Communication Styles
Children communicate in many ways. Some may use phrases from favourite shows, some use single words, and others may not use spoken language at all. Each of these is communication.
Sometimes, a child who talks freely at home may become very quiet at school or in social settings. This is sometimes called selective (or situational) mutism. It isn’t stubbornness or “bad behaviour” - it’s usually linked to anxiety and can occur alongside autism. Knowing this can help parents feel less confused or blamed, and instead focus on gentle support.
Sensory Experiences
Autistic children often experience the world more intensely. A sound you barely notice might feel overwhelming to them. A shirt tag could be scratchy enough to bring them to tears. What looks like an “overreaction” is really their nervous system working overtime.
Play and Interests
Your child’s play might look a little different. They may line up toys, dive deeply into one topic, or prefer facts over make-believe games. This doesn’t mean they can’t connect - it means they connect through what matters most to them.
Social Connection
Connection doesn’t always look like eye contact or group play. Your child may prefer one-on-one time, or show love through quiet presence rather than words. These are still meaningful and valuable ways of bonding.
Emotional Regulation
Meltdowns can be tough to witness, but they’re not “bad behaviour.” They are signs your child is overwhelmed. In those moments, what your child needs most is comfort and safety. Over time, with the right support, children learn strategies to regulate - but compassion always comes first.
Autism Doesn’t Look One Way
Autism is diverse. Girls, boys, and children from different cultural backgrounds may show autism in different ways. Sometimes, cultural beliefs shape what parents and professionals expect, which can delay recognition.
For example:
Research shows that most autism studies have focused on white children, meaning our knowledge often comes from a narrow lens (Steinbrenner et al., 2020).
One study found that Asian parents were less likely to suspect autism before diagnosis, even when their children showed clear traits. Meanwhile, clinicians often rated those same children as highly autistic (Azad et al., 2021).
In many Asian families, autism has only been recognised when it significantly affects a child’s day-to-day functioning. A child who does well in school might instead be described as shy, studious, or gifted. Stereotypes, like the “Model Minority” myth (the idea that all Asian children are naturally high-achieving), can also mean children’s needs are overlooked.
Common Misconceptions
“Autism is caused by parenting choices.”
Autism is neurodevelopmental. Parenting does not cause autism. What parents can influence is how well their child thrives. Supportive, affirming parenting helps autistic children feel safe, valued, and understood (Tick et al., 2016).
“Kids with autism can’t connect.”
Connection is absolutely possible - it just might look different. Many autistic children enjoy one-on-one interactions, sharing special interests, or quiet companionship more than large group play. All of these are valid and meaningful ways of connecting (Chazin et al., 2024).
“Autism is caused by vaccines.”
This has been thoroughly debunked. Large studies show no link between vaccines and autism. The original study suggesting a connection was retracted for serious flaws and misconduct (Taylor et al., 2014). Vaccines are safe, and protecting children from preventable illness is especially important for vulnerable children.
“Autism is rare in families without history.”
Autism has a strong genetic basis. Twin and family studies suggest heritability is around 70–80% (Tick et al., 2016; Sandin et al., 2017). This doesn’t mean autism is only genetic - environment plays a role too - but it reinforces that autism isn’t caused by something parents did or didn’t do.
References
Chazin, K. T., Phillips, C. B., Neale, M., Gilson, C. B., & Wright, C. A. (2024). Perspectives of autistic adults, caregivers, and professionals on intervention priorities for young autistic children. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-024-06242-4
Sandin, S., Lichtenstein, P., Kuja-Halkola, R., Larsson, H., Hultman, C. M., & Reichenberg, A. (2017). The heritability of autism spectrum disorder. JAMA, 318(12), 1182–1184. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.2017.12141
Taylor, L. E., Swerdfeger, A. L., & Eslick, G. D. (2014). Vaccines are not associated with autism: An evidence-based meta-analysis of case-control and cohort studies. Vaccine, 32(29), 3623–3629. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.vaccine.2014.04.085
Tick, B., Bolton, P., Happé, F., Rutter, M., & Rijsdijk, F. (2016). Heritability of autism spectrum disorders: A meta-analysis of twin studies. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(5), 585–595. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12499